


Pieces of Broken Memories

by ShadowHaloedAngel



Series: Stay [12]
Category: Ocean's 8 (2018)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bedridden, Car Accidents, Caretaking, F/F, Motorcycles, Paralysis, Sickfic, bullet wounds, soft Debbie, soft lou
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-26 11:51:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16681093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowHaloedAngel/pseuds/ShadowHaloedAngel
Summary: Five times Debbie took care of Lou, and one time Lou took care of Debbie. Snapshots over the course of their relationship, right from the beginning, including the first time they said "I love you".Tied in to the Stay series, but you don't need to have read the series to read this.





	1. Stomach Bug

**Author's Note:**

> When I was laid low by an awful cold last month while working on the series I decided I wanted to write some caretaking sickfic where Lou was grumpy and Debbie was sweet. The same way it usually does when working with these two, it somehow morphed into a 5+1 that ties to that little comment in I Am Always Yours about Debbie's caretaking streak, and not only that, it also gave me a bit of insight into how their relationship started and developed. It's not technically all sickfic, but there's a lot of caretaking involved either way. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

The first time Lou discovered a new side of Debbie Ocean was when they were both young, and, if not particularly stupid, they still definitely had their moments. They were still working small cons, short jobs they could walk away from, or, if necessary, run. At this point in time it was definitely more about quantity than quality if only because they need to eat, and ideally have somewhere to sleep. 

They've been working the clubs, rotating them at random, never spending too long in any one of them or going in the same order. It doesn't do to get noticed. Lou's honestly still impressed by Debbie's seemingly inexhaustible wardrobe of little black dresses. She's not quite sure even now what it was that made her fall in with Debbie Ocean. 

They'd met in a club, all smoke and thumping music and men with roving hands and eyes whose attention never stayed on their wallets for too long. It had been like a movie, and Lou still shakes her head a little and laughs when she thinks about it. Not that she'd ever admit that to anyone, obviously. She'd been uncomfortable in her own skin, playing at the woman she would one day become, leggy and unsteady, wearing eyeliner like warpaint and jewellery like armour when a path spontaneously cleared between them and she saw a woman at the bar who took her breath away. 

There was nobody who could touch Debbie when it came to self-possession, and that was something Lou had realised within seconds of meeting her, before she'd even known her name. She was porcelain skin and chestnut hair and velvet brown eyes and plush full lips with a little aura of space around her. Lou found herself walking over without a conscious thought, only really waking up to what she was doing when she saw Debbie delicately place her hand over the black leather wallet the guy with his back to her had left on the bar, and make it disappear. 

"I saw that, you know?"

She says, her voice low because it's not like she actually wants to alert anyone to what happened, hell no.

Debbie blinked those huge brown eyes at her. 

"What?"

And Lou looked at the bar and the wallet's exactly where it was before. It takes an expert eye to notice that it's a little thinner than it was before though. 

She looked back to Debbie, and the woman holds up a fifty doller note, just peeking out from behind her fingers in front of a coy little smile. 

"...Buy you a drink?"

And oh, Lou was /gone/.

They'd ended up in bed together that first night with no shame, and never really been apart since. There's a thrill to flirting with each other through the intermediary of a mark, because that's what the jobs are, they're just a long, intricate dance of seduction in the knowledge that the only bed they'll be ending up in later is each other's. 

Lou starts awake. There's nothing gentle about it, no smooth transition, and she's awake and bolt upright with a hand over her mouth before her brain has caught up to what her body is doing. She takes a moment to breathe deeply, trying to fight down the nausea, but it's soon evident that it's not going anywhere and she dives for the bathroom as her stomach turns over, making it just barely. 

After the first round of vomiting she settles on her knees because she can already tell it's not going to be the last, and she just feels miserable. She hates getting sick. It makes her feel weak and vulnerable, and this is something Debbie hasn't seen yet. Lou's not sure she wants her to, but she's also acutely aware there's nothing she can do about it. Part of her thinks that if Debbie Ocean sees her like this, she'll realise that getting mixed up with Lou was a mistake and that she can do so much better. They work well together, like a dream, a well-oiled machine where everything passes unspoken, but Lou's found out enough about Debbie's family to know that she's in a whole different league. Nobody wants to deal with sick people. 

Her stomach heaves again and she braces herself on the porcelain, panting for breath and trying not to cry. She feels clammy and her muscles ache from the straining. 

She jolts a little when she feels a hand on her back, a light touch just between her shoulders, and then it moves up, blissfully cool against her forehead and Lou nuzzles against it despite herself with a low moan. Fuck but she feels awful. 

The waves of nausea seem to be calming, but Lou knows there's no way this can be it. She didn't have /that/ much to drink last night, and although it might be mistaken for a hangover, this has to be a virus. She doesn't get hangovers. Besides if it was a hangover she'd expect her head to be hurting more. Noise doesn't hurt - which given the retching is a relief - and if it was just the booze she'd expect that instead. This is just... miserable. 

When she's sure there's not about to be a third round in as many minutes, Lou settles back on her haunches and looks up through her fringe. 

Debbie Ocean smiles down at her and strokes her hair back with what feels an awful lot like tenderness. She holds out a glass of water wordlessly, and Lou takes it gratefully, hating how much her hands are shaking as she has to hold it in both of them to avoid spilling it everywhere. She takes a sip, rinsing her mouth out and spitting it into the toilet before she takes a long draught, trying to wash the taste away. 

"Feeling rough?

"Yeah. 'm sorry."

"It's okay, you can't help it. Do you feel safe to go back to bed, or would you feel better staying here a while?"

"No I think... I think I can handle moving... I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to see this... Fuck."

"Hey." And it's emphatic enough that Lou interrupts her self-pitying ramble and looks up to meet Debbie's eyes. "I mean it. It's okay. It happens sometimes. We'll get through it. It's been a good week so far, we can afford a couple of days off. If things get desperate I can go work a little, bring in some more."

"What do you mean we'll get through it?"

"...You didn't think I was just going to leave you to deal with it alone did you?"

"I mean... I would?"

"Well I'll bear that in mind. But just because you feel miserable doesn't mean you have to be miserable and alone. Having someone to take care of you just... takes a bit of the pressure off, don't you think?"

"Why would you want to though?"

Lou's not sure why she's arguing except that she doesn't want pity. She's never been good with pity. And she hates owing people favours. People always want something in return and as much as she lo- likes. Likes Debbie. That doesn't mean that she wants to owe her anything, and she can't be sure that if Debbie does help she won't hold it over Lou's head. At the same time she feels weak and shaky and she doesn't really have it in her to resist. Besides, her stomach is already threatening to rebel again and she has a feeling that denying she needs help while puking her guts up isn't going to exactly be her most convincing moment. 

"Because I care about you, and you're sick. Dealing with sickness doesn't bother me, I just want to make it a little less horrible for you."

And Lou's shoulders slump and she leans on her arms, braced on the toilet again. 

"...Thanks."

Debbie strokes her hair gently and Lou nuzzles into the touch despite herself. She leans against Debbie's legs and lets herself breathe, eyes closed, for a long long moment. 

When she's ready to move, Debbie helps her to her feet and back to bed, and the sheets feel crisp and cool against her skin and Lou burrows into the pillows. 

"I'll grab you a trash can, and a glass of water. Do you think you could eat anything?"

"Honestly I don't know."

"What do you usually eat when you're sick?"

"Nothing? It never really comes up. Just wait it out till I can keep something down usually."

Debbie frowns, but she doesn't ask, and Lou's grateful for that because there's so much she really doesn't want to get into right now. 

"I'll bring you some saltines. Crackers are a good thing when you're sick, having a little bit of salt helps keep you hydrated, keeps the electrolyte balance what it needs to be. It can help settle things too."

Lou frowns and tilts her head a little, tugging the blankets up to her chin. It had never occurred to her that there might be 'sick food'. 

"...Why? What do you usually have when you're sick?"

"Starchy things that help keep the acid down, usually that are bland. Crackers are good, toast is good, mashed potatoes are good. When you start feeling a little better, mashed potatoes with some cheese melted on the top can be really good, to bring in a little flavour and substance and protein."

"You... know a lot about this."

Debbie shrugs and smiles a little, stroking Lou's hair back again gently from her fevered brow. 

"Sip your water, eat your crackers, get some rest, see how you're doing. Want me to grab your book? I think you left it on the coffee table last night."

"Yes please. And... thanks. You don't have to do this."

"I know. But I want to. It's okay, I'll be right back."

"Thanks Deb. I lo- Thanks."

Debbie pauses in the doorway, a secret little smile resting on her lips, one hand on the doorframe as she glances back over her shoulder. 

"You're welcome."


	2. Period Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to the wonderful and delightful loumillerlesbian for this, where I drew a little bit of inspiration from 55. I don't mind of her amazing 100 ways to say I love you series. 
> 
> Lou's symptoms here are related to endometriosis which is a common condition that affects up to 1 in 10 women, but is often underdiagnosed because symptoms are very often not taken seriously. Personally I have PCOS, another reproductive health condition, a hormonal syndrome which can affect up to 1 in 5 women and which is the leading cause of infertility and has other complications associated with it including a disposition to gain but not lose weight, and heightened risk of diabetes. If you think something is wrong, keep asking questions. Women's symptoms are often dismissed or not taken seriously and it can take persistence to get diagnosis and treatment. In some cases there aren't really treatments available, but there might be things that can at least alleviate the symptoms. 
> 
> Yes I get on a soapbox about this, because it makes me very angry. Everyone's health deserves to be taken seriously.

There were times when Lou found it particularly frustrating to be a woman. She was well aware of all the disadvantages it had, and how to turn them to her advantage at times. She'd always delighted in exploiting tropes and subverting expectations for her own ends. One of the things that constantly reminded her of the structural prejudices in play, though, was the expectations she'd been given to have about her biology. In school, and she realised she was lucky to have had some kind of education about it, she had been taught that periods happened once a month, on an average of a twenty eight day cycle, though some people's was shorter and some people's was longer. The idea that for some people it could be irregular had never really been covered. It had been presented as something that would settle down. Hers had never settled down, they were never predictable, and they were always agonising. 

The response she had had from everyone had been 'well, periods just hurt', or 'oh honey, cramps are normal, I get them too'. She was pretty sure what was happening to her wasn't normal, but the fight to be taken seriously wasn't worth having. It hadn't been worth having when she'd still have insurance because 'oh sweetheart, give it time, it'll settle down', and now she sure as hell couldn't afford it, and so she just accepted that every three months or so (she was pretty sure that wasn't what was meant by regular), she'd be laid out for a good three days or so where she could barely move at all, and have anywhere up to two weeks of having to manage symptoms. 

She hasn't been with Debbie that long. A couple of months, maybe? They still aren't out of the honeymoon phase of flirting and fucking. They work jobs because it's something to do to ensure they still have a bed to go back to at the end of the night. Lou still isn't over the thrill that passes through her every single time Debbie so much as looks at her, let alone touches her or kisses her. Lou has never really been one for drugs - there's too much risk of things turning nasty or getting out of hand - but Debbie Ocean is one hell of a high, and Lou can understand addiction if it feels anything like this. 

So far everything has been pretty normal, but she's known it's too good to last. One morning - it is still, just about, morning - she wakes, and knows that her luck has finally run out. She rolls over in bed and dry heaves. It feels like every inch of her body aches, while every muscle in her abdomen contracts and rebels, cramping, rejecting her internal organs, or, one of them, at least. They'd been planning a job, and Lou had been an intrinsic part of it, because of course she was, because they were a team, partners, just the two of them, and she was essential, and she can't do it. She's accepted that there are times she can't work, and she hasn't mentioned it to Debbie because everything has felt... like magic, somehow unreal, like it could all continue going so perfectly forever. She should have known better.

She's trying to keep it quiet, but it's not quiet enough, and it's almost immediate that Debbie is awake beside her, cuddling up to Lou's back, gently stroking her hair back and nuzzling her ear. 

"...Hey? Baby what's wrong? Are you feeling okay?"

Lou retches again and groans. Talking is hard. The pain is about all she can focus on and she hates the way it takes over because it's not supposed to be this way but for her it's never been any other way. 

"I- hngh- I'll be fine... I don't... fuck... I don't think I can do the job though... don't worry, this'll- fuck- it'll pass. Just gimme a few days. If you want to call in someone -ha- someone else- I understand. It's okay."

"It's okay baby the job can wait, what's wrong?"

"It's fine- ha- it's just my period. Not a big deal."

"It... seems like a big deal...? Are you sure that's all? There's nothing else, you haven't come down with a bug or something?"

"Nope, no bug, it's always like this. Doesn't happen very often but when it does it hurts like a bitch."

Debbie's brows are knitted in concern even as she soothes a hand over Lou's trying to take the pain away. 

"...Every month?"

"Nope, not every month, just every time my period shows up. Unpredictability is part of the joy. Can be three months, six... not usually longer... shows up, sticks around for a few weeks, sometimes a month just for shits and giggles, then fucks off again. In the mean time there's usually about three days where I absolutely cannot function."

"Baby have you got it checked?"

"Tried. Nobody takes it seriously because it's to do with my fucking uterus. Bet it would matter if I was trying to have kids, but I'm not, so it doesn't. First off I was too young, then I was uninsured, and now I just... manage it. It's the best way. Only way. I'm sorry it's fucked up our plan though."

"Baby you matter more than a job. C'mon, what can I do to help?"

"I don't- fuck- I don't know. I just... manage, okay?"

"Okay."

Debbie's response is soft and Lou feels bad for snapping as the Ocean presses a kiss to her temple, still gentle and tender.

Debbie brushes another kiss to Lou's bare shoulder blade as she shifts the sheets back and gets up, all long limbs and naked perfection, and despite her pain Lou still feels a little rush of desire at the sight of her. It's second nature now when it comes to Debbie Ocean and it doesn't seem to be diminishing with exposure. 

Lou doesn't really know what she's expecting from Debbie, too busy curling up in the sheets, closing her eyes and gritting her teeth against the pain. She certainly wasn't expecting the soft chink of a mug being set down on glass, and opens her eyes to Debbie standing over her. 

"Ginger tea. It might help a little bit. I grabbed some painkillers too. And I made you a hot water bottle. This all sounds like a lot so it might not do anything but... they help me, make it a little more bearable, you know?" She hesitates, and despite everything, Lou feels herself fall just a little bit more in love because this is the sweet, earnest side of Debbie that other people never see, "I... It might not help but I couldn't just sit by and not do anything, you know? And I... believe you. I get cramps, sure, and they're awful, but they're not this bad. So. I believe you."

And honestly even if she wasn't hormonal and feeling like crap, Lou could cry, because she hadn't realised how desperate she had been to hear those words. She shifts up in bed just a little, reaching for the hot water bottle which Debbie easily surrenders, and tugs it to where it needs to be. She groans. The relief is almost instantaneous. It's not complete, nowhere near, but it helps to dull the throbbing enough to allow her to move, and she shifts to sit up a little more against the pillows and swallow the painkillers down with a long draught of the spicy tea, which also helps when it pools in her stomach, a trail of heat all the way down. 

She focusses on that for a while, on sipping the tea and waiting for the painkillers to kick in and the waves of nausea to ease off. Debbie's watching her, still standing there, uncertainty written all over her face and Lou doesn't think she's ever seen Debbie look so unsure before. The only thing that throws her, it seems, is her relationship with Lou. That's a strange thought. Lou isn't quite sure how she feels about being the only thing that can get under Debbie Ocean's skin. It's only been a few weeks, but maybe it means there's the potential for this to be something more. 

"...I'm sorry about the job. If you want to go anyway, or call someone... I don't mind."

"The job can wait. You're more important. Is it like this every time?"

"More or less every time, yeah. Nobody's ever really taken me seriously before. Worst part is that I never know when it's going to happen. And I'm not exactly insured, so getting treatment or a diagnosis is... challenging. That's assuming there is a diagnosis that's not just being female."

"...I don't know but... well, I know a doctor. She's... she kinda... has a more general after hours practice for those of us in the... not quite legal fraternity, or sorority as it may be. She might at least be good to talk to? She's good at listening. And she takes women seriously."

Lou hesitates. She doesn't know what she was expecting Debbie to offer really. She's pretty sure it wasn't that, but the prospect of finally being able to do something about this is... overwhelming. 

"...I mean... if you're serious... I don't know how we'd afford the meds though, if there even are any for something like this."

"We'll find a way. I promise. We'll make it work. You deserve not to just be paralysed with pain out of the blue. We've got to at least find out if there's something that might help. If there is... we'll figure it out."

And Lou stares up at her for a long moment and feels a fragile smile settle on her lips as she tries to pretend there aren't tears threatening in her blue, blue eyes. 

"...Thanks, Debbie."

"No problem, partner. I'll go make us some food, if you think you can eat?"

"I think I could keep something down, thanks. You don't have to."

"I know."


	3. Broken Bone

Lou has wanted a bike for as long as she can remember, and when she'd finally socked away enough from the jobs that she and Debbie pulled to buy one, she'd taken her research very seriously, hunted down exactly the model she wanted, and negotiated a very good price for it. Debbie hadn't said a word when she brought the rusted hulk back to the garage they mostly used for other things, and Lou had set about lovingly repairing and restoring it.

It had taken the better part of a year for her to get it in working order, but when it was ready, she had been so incredibly proud of it. Of course, safety first, she'd also bought herself all the proper gear. The expression on Debbie Ocean's face the first time she saw Lou in leathers is something that Lou's pretty sure she'll remember forever, and something to keep her warm on cold nights. To have another human being look at you with that level of fire and want and need is... really something. Of course, Debbie often looks at her like that, but the first time Lou walked in in her motorcycle gear is without doubt some of the best sex they've ever had. In the afterglow, Lou presents Debbie with a spare helmet and motorcycle rides become yet another form of extended foreplay on their list. 

Lou is a conscientious rider. She takes her safety and the safety of other road users very seriously, and she takes every course on defensive driving she can find, not only for their use in jobs, but also because they help keep her alive. Just because she's careful about what she does, though, it unfortunately doesn't mean everyone else is, and every time she's out on the bike, Lou's aware she's on borrowed time until she has an accident. 

When that time finally comes, truth be told, it could be a lot worse than it is. That doesn't actually help take the sting out of it any of course, and the haggard, hollow look on Debbie's face when Lou finally limps back into their little apartment, the boot on her foot echoing loudly with every step, is something that will haunt her for a different reason. Well. If Lou had doubted what Debbie felt for her before, she didn't now. It was impossible to see that fear and be ignorant of what it meant. Well, fuck. She was in love with Debbie Ocean, and knowing Debbie Ocean felt the same way only meant they were spiralling ever closer towards their own beautiful, disastrous supernova as far as Lou was concerned. 

Also, she wouldn't want it any other way.

Debbie's on her feet the second the door opens, and Lou knows that's partly because of all the people who could be coming through the door, but she likes to think it's because of her. It's not that Lou doesn't feel guilty, she does, of course she does. She never ever wanted to make Debbie worry. But the thought that someone cares that much about her... it's still a little bit new, and Lou's not ready for it to get old yet.

"Where the HELL have you been?"

Debbie's shaking, fists balled at her sides, and she's close enough now that Lou can see streaks on her cheeks, see that her eyes are red. She feels her heart twinge a little because she hates to be the reason Debbie cried. She reaches out and takes Debbie's hands and tries to encourage her to uncurl her fingers from her palms. 

"Hey... I'm sorry..."

"What the fuck is going on? Where have you been? Why didn't you call?"

"Debbie, I'm sorry. I did call, or, I tried to. The phone in the emergency room was pretty much solidly in use and when there was a break I discovered I didn't have any change."

"The fact that I'm hearing you were in the emergency room is not making me feel any better here, Louise."

Debbie's voice is shaking, and it's hoarse, and Lou's heart aches a little more when she realises what a state Debbie must have been in when she didn't come home. Admittedly she had said she'd be home something like twelve hours ago, but she hadn't realised it would be that big of a deal. 

"...Deb, I'm here, I'm okay."

"You're /not/ okay though, are you, you've been in the emergency room and you've got a boot on your leg. You're looking bruised and scraped and you fucking /disappeared/ on me without saying anything!"

"...I know, and I'm sorry. I am. I'm sorry. For what it's worth, it wasn't... anything I did, as such."

The look on Debbie's face tells her she'd better make her case pretty quickly.

"...We both knew being out on the bike was a risk. I'm safe, but there are a lot of people who aren't, and today one of them caught up with me. It could have been a lot worse. The bike's a bit of a wreck, but I'll be able to fix it up again. It's at a garage downtown. I was wondering if you'd maybe go pick it up tomorrow for me? I can't... well, I'm in no fit state to ride it."

"Well I can't ride it!"

"He's got a van, he's willing to drop it off, he just needs to know where to bring it. Please, Deb?"

Debbie pulls her hands away and half turns, a sob escaping her despite her best efforts as she tries to avoid Lou's eyes. 

"...That fucking bike... alright, fine, I'll go." She sniffed again, and Lou can see her shaking. She reaches out, but doesn't quite make contact, her hand stopping just short of where she wanted to rest it on Debbie's lower back. Now is not the time to push her luck. "Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

Lou tries for her usual charismatic grin, although Debbie doesn't usually buy it. She hopes it might disarm her enough to take the edge off her anger. 

"There's cold Chinese?"

"My favourite. I'd love a drink too?"

"If you're going to try to persuade me you're not on painkillers, it's not going to work and I'm not letting you mix alcohol with those drugs. You'll get water and like it. Go on. Sit down. I'll bring it over."

But Lou doesn't sit down. She follows Debbie over to the little kitchen area and doesn't quite pin her against the worktop. She puts a hand on either side of Debbie's hips and nuzzles in behind her ear. Debbie's still tense, still shaking, and Lou can feel how on edge she still is. She never meant for Debbie to end up feeling like this. 

"Hey..." Her voice is soft now, low against Debbie's ear. "I'm sorry. I did try to call. You know what time can be like somewhere like that, it's like it loses all meaning. Minutes drag by like hours and hours pass in the blink of an eye. I swear emergency departments warp the laws of physics. I didn't mean to scare you." She swallows, unsure if she wants the answer to this next question, but she has to ask it anyway, "...What did you think had happened?"

There's a long silence as Debbie snaps and unsnaps the plastic lids on containers of Chinese food in all Lou's favourite shades of neon. Lou holds her breath, unwilling to ask again. 

"...I don't know. In this line of business, you never know. There were friends of the family who went out and didn't come back, people I grew up calling Uncle. We're not that big yet, we don't pull jobs like that, but people can turn nasty on a dime and we're always pushing our luck. We're women, that carries its own set of risks with it. Honestly I figured you were either dead or you'd left me. I was kinda hoping for the latter because at least it would mean you were still alive, even if it would have broken my heart."

Lou nuzzles under Debbie's jaw, letting her hands slowly, slowly come up from the counter to Debbie's hips, and then sliding them around to loop her arms around the slighter brunette, leaning Debbie back against her as she places a little kiss on the pulse point that lurks near her ear. 

"...Debbie, I could never leave you. I thought you knew that. I guess I didn't think it would hit you this hard. I know we're serious, but..."

And Debbie turns in her hold, shoving herself around off the counter and /glaring/ at her and Lou has never seen fire like that in those brown eyes before. 

"How could it not hit me this hard, you idiot? I /love/ you."

And Debbie freezes and smacks a hand over her mouth, and there's fear written all over her face again now as Lou stares and tries to make her mouth work because she absolutely needs to say something to that, she can't just leave it hanging. 

She reaches up gently, trying to ease Debbie's hand away from her face, becaue Lou needs to kiss her right now, needs her like air, and she can't do that if Debbie's covering her damn mouth. 

"...I might be an idiot, but I love you too."

And Debbie /melts/ against her, and /oh/ does Lou feel fucking guilty right now because they've gone this long without putting a label on what they have and what they are and although she had been pretty sure Debbie was serious, she's pretty sure this counts as a shitty way to get an 'I love you'.

Lou wraps her up tight, kissing her again and again until Debbie pulls back for air and tucks her face into the crook of Lou's neck, tears on her cheeks again as she tries to slow her breathing, and Lou wants to hold her this tight forever and not let go. 

"...I'm sorry I scared you, I really am, I'm so sorry... but I'm really hungry, so is there any chance you might forgive me enough to cuddle up with me while I eat my Chinese?"

And Debbie's smile is damp but real as she shifts back to give Lou one last quick peck before she turns back to the bowl. 

"...Go on. Go sit down. I'll bring your dinner over. How're we going to get you changed? Your top half is easy but I know if I even /think/ about cutting you out of those pants my life won't be worth living."

"You've thought about cutting me out of these pants plenty of times, don't even try to pretend you haven't. But basically I take the boot off to change my pants, is the essence of it. Then I put it back on. They didn't say about sleeping in it, but I think I will for the first couple of weeks at least. It... really is a very minor break, Deb. They said six to eight weeks to heal, I don't have to keep off it all the time, it's that minor. It just... hurts like a bitch and was kind of scary."

"Yeah, well while you eat I'm going to call Sue and see what the official advice is, then I'm going to make sure you stick to it."

There's a glint in her eye that Lou has learned not to cross, and although she's not surprised, her heart swells a little all the same, because the way Debbie takes care of her is still something she's not used to, and it makes her feel all warm inside. 

"Don't worry, I'll follow every order. You're very authoritative."

"If you're teasing me right now, Louise Miller, you will regret it."

And Lou hides her grin in a mouthful of noodles. 

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"Damn right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY SAID IT! THEY SAID THE THING!


	4. Bullet Wound

They've had a good run on jobs, but it was bound to run out sometime. If they've learned anything from this, it is that neither of them is ever running a job /for/ someone else ever again. If there's a job someone won't do, there's a reason they're not sharing. Nothing is ever as simple as it's made out to be. Debbie's just glad that at least some of her contacts can still be trusted, and that's a sentiment Lou shares as she's half-carried into the house on the shoulders of Debbie and Sue, who's become one of their oldest friends. 

She's settled on the bed, and groans, wanting to bury her face in the pillows, but she's on her back not her front and that's unlikely to change for the foreseeable future. Sue says it's not a bad wound really. It's a flesh wound, small calibre, probably won't even scar that badly, but it hurts like a motherfucker. Apparently as well as the entry (and exit, that had been clean too) wounds, there'll be quite a lot of bruising, including possibly to the bone. Lou didn't actually know bone could bruise before now, and she's kinda wishing she hadn't found out. Sue says she's lucky it missed a blood vessel. Lou's not sure getting shot counts as lucky, but for the moment she's still alive, so she's not really inclined to argue.

The bullet went straight through the muscle on the outside of her thigh. Apparently it was debatable whether it was more of a graze than a wound, but Lou hadn't felt a lot like arguing semantics at the time. She's not sure who shot her, but she knows it didn't come from the security guards they were facing. She has a feeling Debbie knows, but the look on her face says Debbie's not telling. 

"...So, doc, what's the prognosis?"

"Keep off it for a few weeks at least. A month would be better, really, and it might need longer. Keep the dressing clean and dry. Debbie knows how to change dressings and I'll leave you some supplies. I'll come back and check on how it's doing in two weeks. If anything major changes between now and then, let me know. I cleaned it pretty thoroughly, but there are dangers because the bullet's dragged in bacteria which are harmless on the surface of your skin but not so harmless inside. Pain management is good, over the counter stuff is fine. It should settle down to a dull throbbing pretty soon. Think of it as being like a deep cut. It's been stitched, everything should heal as well as something like that can, but despite my best efforts, it'll probably scar, and it's going to be bruised like a motherfucker for the next couple of weeks too, so you probably won't want to do much with it."

Lou looks at Debbie and tries for a shaky grin. 

"Don't worry too much. I hear chicks dig bullet scars."

Lou would be prepared to swear Debbie actually growls. Sue looks between them, glancing from Lou to Debbie and back again, and Lou can tell she's biting back a smile as she half turns away. 

"I'll leave you two to it. The dressing materials will be on the coffee table."

"Thanks Sue. We owe you."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll add it to your tab..." Sue calls back, not turning around as she raises a hand in farewell. 

The door closes with a click that echoes in the silence.

"...You okay there, Deb?"

"What do you think?"

"I think you don't really look okay? I also think you just growled at me, which was... both confusing and arousing."

"Can you be serious for once in your goddamn life?"

"No. Humour is my coping mechanism of choice. Humour and sex."

"Well that's off the table for the foreseeable future, so I guess you're just going to have to manage on humour alone."

"Think you can face leaving me that crutch?"

Debbie looks away and sighs heavily. Lou can see her clenching and unclenching her fists at her side, and focussing on the rhythm of that distracts her from the throbbing in her thigh, at least a little. Lou swallows. 

"...It's not that I'm not taking this seriously, Deb. It's that it hurts like a bitch, and I'm fucking scared. It's a lot easier to laugh at fear than let its claws get in. Besides. It's over. We're safe. It's okay."

"It's not fucking okay that you got shot, Lou. It's not."

"I'm not so happy about that either, but what part of us fighting is going to make me magically be unshot?" Lou sighs, and she's suddenly exhausted, her whole body heavy, and it feels like she's aching all over. She pats the mattress next to her, trying to pretend she's not on the verge of tears, because Lou Miller doesn't cry. "...C'mon, please? Sit with me? I'm sorry, Debbie."

And Debbie does come, and she sits next to Lou and strokes her hair gently back behind her ear, and Lou never gets tired of seeing Debbie this close. It's not that they're not usually close, but it feels like she falls a little more in love with her every time Debbie comes into her space.

Lou catches Debbie's hand against her cheek, grip gentle on her wrist as she holds it there long enough to turn her head and press a kiss to Debbie's palm, feeling the pulse leap in her wrist against her lips. 

"It's not your fault."

"It is my fault. My father taught me not to take jobs like that, that there was always a reason they needed an outside contractor. It's different if someone's straight with you all the way along, it's different if you've got a business relationship, but that was just..." 

Debbie shakes her head, and Lou can see tears in her eyes, and she tugs Debbie's wrist gently to make the brunette fall against her chest, wrapping her arms around the Ocean's slight frame and nuzzling into her hair, lips caressing the pulse point that flickers in Debbie's temple now. 

"Hey. It's not your fault. You did your due diligence, and we were close to pulling it off. You can't predict things like that. It's an inherent risk of the business."

"I got you hurt."

And Lou struggles to make the words out where Debbie's muffling them in her shoulder, but she gets the gist of it. 

"It's not your fault. I don't blame you, and as the one who got shot I'm pretty sure I get to do the apportioning of blame here, and we won't be having that, are we clear?"

"...yes, Lou."

"Good."

Lou's hand gently slides to the back of Debbie's neck and up into her hair, cradling her skull and rubbing gently, scritching the way she knows makes Debbie melt. 

"I'll heal up. Realistically it's about the best case scenario. If I was going to get shot, I think I'll take a flesh wound really. Small calibre flesh wound that's almost a graze. Could have been a lot worse, Sue's right."

"Imagining how much worse it could have been isn't something I'm finding particularly comforting right now."

"...No. I guess not."

And Lou cuddles her a moment longer, then eases Debbie back to look her in the eye again. 

"But I'm gonna be okay, you know? You know why I'm gonna be okay? Because you're going to take care of me, and you're amazing at taking care of me. If there's anything I've learned over the course of our relationship... well there are many things I've learned in the course of our relationship, about myself as well as about you, but one of the big things is that you are an excellent nurse. So much so I'm almost tempted to buy you a uniform."

"You want me in a uniform so you can think filthy thoughts about me."

"Oh Deborah please, I don't need you in a uniform to think filthy thoughts about you. Though it wouldn't hurt."

Debbie rolls her eyes again, but Lou can tell she's fighting back a smile, can see the tension bleeding out of her shoulders a little bit."

"I don't get to ignore medical advice on your watch, and that makes all the difference."

"If it makes that much of a difference, maybe you shouldn't be ignoring it in the first place...?"

"Oh hush." Lou gently brushes her knuckles along Debbie's cheekbone, part of her still thrilled that she gets to touch her like this. "How'd you learn to change dressings anyway?"

"Useful skill growing up."

"Is that your excuse for everything?"

Debbie tilts her head, considering. 

"Most things, yes." She plants a kiss on Lou's lips and shifts back, getting to her feet again. "I'll go find what Sue left us and make sure we have everything, and grab you some painkillers. Are you hungry or anything?"

"Not really. I know I probably will be, but I also know anaesthetic doesn't always mix well with food."

"That's why you're not meant to eat /before/ surgery. I'm not sure how much of an effect it actually has afterwards."

"Still. As much as I trust Sue, I think I'll wait on the food front. The pain's kinda taking the edge off my appetite, though I'm pretty sure when the adrenaline wears off too I'll be starving."

"I'll fix us something then." And it's the first time Lou's seen Debbie smile for /hours/. It's small and fragile, but real and fond and it makes Lou's heart light up. "...I think you're right, Lou. We're going to be okay. You're going to be fine. And when I track down the motherfucker who shot you they're going to be paying for a very long time."

Debbie turns away to go and fetch things, and Lou feels a shiver run through her, pupils blown wide, and when she speaks again her voice is a little more strangled than she'd like to admit. 

"...You know, you being vengeful is super hot."

Debbie glances back, and there's a tiny smile dancing on her lips. 

"...You discovered a new kink, baby?"

"It's something I'd like to explore further."

"Mmmn. Maybe when you're better."

"I'll hold you to that."

"Oh, I know. Love you."

Lou settles back against the pillows, closing her eyes and letting the healing begin. Debbie's here, and that means everything is going to be alright. 

"...Love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look, Sue's back.


	5. Cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one comes post the events of Whumptober.

The minute Lou wakes up, she already knows she's sick. It doesn't take a genius to figure it out, and she knows her body better than anyone. She's been living in it too damn long, after all. She feels muzzy, there's an ache in her chest and a tickle in her throat and this is going to /suck/. Maybe if she just rolls over and closes her eyes again it'll go away by the time she wakes up. Yeah. That sounds right. Rest is always the key, right? That's what the doctors say? So she'll rest. 

She rolls over, burying her face against Debbie's shoulderblade where the Ocean is curled up next to her one arm thrown out, the other tucked to her chest. Lou knows that she can resemble an octopus, or occasionally a starfish when she sleeps, but she still finds the positions that Debbie Ocean apparently considers comfortable to be fascinating. A little ache in her heart is just glad that apparently that's something prison didn't change. 

When she wakes again, if possible she feels worse. Every limb is heavy, she feels hot and like her skin is prickling, and it's absolutely impossible to breathe through her nose. God she feels pathetic. The fact that the bed is empty doesn't make her feel any better. 

Lou's never exactly been a good patient. It comes from a frustration that her body is betraying her, that it's something she can't control. Lou doesn't exactly yearn for control of every situation the way Debbie does, but she's always been fiercely independent and prized her autonomy above everything else. Being sick undermines that, and there's not even a decent enemy for her to fight. Honestly, the whole thing is infuriating. If she's honest with herself, the rage probably doesn't help her get better faster, but there have been times when that determination has been invaluable and it's not like it's something she can just switch off. 

Debbie comes into the room and she's beautiful. Even like this Lou can appreciate her. She's pretty sure she'd have to be dead before she stopped appreciating Debbie Ocean and even then she's not entirely sure that would do it. The blinds are still drawn but the stripes of golden light catch her hair and Lou just wants to take a moment to appreciate her. 

She comes over and gently strokes Lou's hair back, and Lou tilts her head up into Debbie's hand, her eyes closing a little because that touch is so nice and Debbie's hand is cool and it feels like a balm on her fevered brow. 

"Hey baby... not feeling too good?"

Lou doesn't really reply with words, she just makes an incoherent sound, aiming for something between angry and piteous, and she tries not to take it too personally when Debbie smiles. 

"It's okay, I'll take care of you. What's up?"

"Head. Throat. Chest. Hot. Cough. Nose blocked. Achy."

"Okay. I know you're miserable but this will pass okay? I bet it'll be over in a few days. You can get through that, but you're going to need to rest, okay? I know what you're like when you're sick, and charging around isn't going to help anything."

Lou makes another grumpy noise, trying for a glare she doesn't mean, and closing her eyes again when Debbie kisses her forehead. 

"I'll get you some cold meds, they might take some of the edge off for the moment, and I'll get that linctus that's good for coughs and sore throats."

"Whisky."

"You're not having whisky first thing in the morning babe, but I'll make you a honey, lemon, and whisky later, okay?"

Another grumble, and Lou can see that Debbie's trying not to smile. 

"Are you hungry?"

"Pudding?"

"Okay, I'll get you some pudding. I know it hurts to swallow."

Lou's not usually a fan of the weirdly American sticky sweet artificial mess, but honestly when she's sick there's nothing better and she would quite happily subsist off a diet of chocolate pudding cups. Sometimes banana if there's no chocolate available. When she's sick her whole diet changes, and she's honestly just grateful that Debbie seems to get it. It's not like they haven't had plenty of opportunities to practise though. It's not that Lou gets sick often, but they've been together over twenty years and in that time there isn't much that Debbie hasn't seen. 

The first time she got sick, Lou hadn't really been expecting much. Her coping mechanism had basically been to lock herself away and be miserable until it passed. She definitely hadn't been expecting Debbie to turn up and take over, and it had been the first time Lou had really appreciated just how versatile Debbie's talents could be. She could plan a job, no matter how big or small, but in another life or another time she probably would have made a great battlefield nurse, and more than once Lou had found herself grateful for Debbie's caring side. 

Debbie strokes her hair again, and Lou flops back against the pillows when she disappears to fetch whatever needs fetching. She's also grateful that they've been through this enough that Debbie doesn't take her grumpiness personally. After all, it's not like Lou's not going to make it up to her when she's feeling better, but there had been a few close calls early on when Lou knew she'd almost driven Debbie away. Lashing out has always been her response to self-pity and other situations, but there are some people with whom that just doesn't work, and Lou is forever grateful that Debbie Ocean had been willing and able to look past the angry words. 

Debbie comes back and Lou forces herself to sit back up against the pillows again, although it feels like every muscle in her body is protesting the movement. 

Debbie hands her two capsules and a glass of water, and Lou takes them obediently. She appreciates that, most of the time at least, Debbie does let her have some degree of control. Lou doesn't exactly have good assocations with medical procedures being done without her awareness or consent. 

"There we go. Those should kick in and help with the aches and some of the congestion. They might make you feel a bit sleepy, but that's not a problem because you need to rest. I brought you a cup of tea, and the linctus in case you want to take some now for your throat."

Lou shakes her head and settles back into the pillows, closing her eyes because that slight motion has made it feel like her brain is sloshing into the sides of her skull, darts of pain lancing through her head. Ugh. Everything about this sucks. 

She nuzzles gently into Debbie's hand again when the other woman starts stroking her hair. Well okay, maybe a little nap...

When she wakes, Lou honestly isn't sure whether she feels better or worse. On the one hand, she's definitely less exhausted, on the other, sleeping seems to have given the cold the opportunity to settle into her head and chest like cement, her limbs feel heavy, she can't breathe through her nose, and everything is still miserable. She strains against everything telling her not to move enough to at least flop her head over from one side to the other and squint at the bedside table. 

There's a glass of water, a box of tissues, the good kind with the aloe, not the kind she usually has by her bed (which tend to be for other purposes), two more of the green and yellow capsules (which means she's been asleep long enough that she's allowed another dose because Debbie is very strict on that kind of thing), and a little shot glass of yellow liquid which she assumes is Debbie's favourite honey and lemon linctus. Debbie's a big believer in that stuff. Before she met Debbie, Lou had no idea of all the healing power that honey and lemon juice supposedly had. 

Slowly, painfully, she pulls herself up in bed to sit up, feeling the phlegm in her head sloshing around, aching dully. She swallows. Mistake. Ow. That still hurts. She starts with the linctus, follows it up with the capsules and half the glass of water, and then uses far more of the tissue box than she would have thought possible in an attempt to clear her nose. It feels almost like a victory to clear that much snot from her system, but she's still not winning. 

She's not sure what alerted Debbie to the fact that she's awake. It could be that the Ocean's just been checking on her at regular intervals, it could have been the nasal orchestra of her blowing her nose. Either way, Debbie quietly opens the door and carries in a little tray. 

She sets a steaming mug down, and from here Lou can see the promising amber colour which means it's late enough in the day for Debbie to allow her whisky (though the rules are more relaxed when she's sick usually), and two chocolate pudding cups with a spoon. 

Debbie's frowning slightly as she inspects Lou, resting the back of her hand against Lou's forehead for a moment before she strokes her hair back gently in one of those tender gestures that make being sick with Debbie so much more bearable than being sick without Debbie. It's not a level of vulnerability Lou's had with a partner before, but then... well, she hasn't really had that many partners that aren't Debbie, and it's been Debbie for long enough that she wouldn't have it any other way. 

"What's the verdict?"

"You're not running hot, so that's an improvement on this morning, and you've got a little bit of your colour back. How are you feeling?"

"Like the living dead. Ugh. I'm too late for Hallowe'en."

That makes Debbie crack a smile. 

"You still sound rough... but if you're feeling like that, then any attempts at supernatural seduction are off the table, understand?"

Lou wrinkles her nose, unimpressed, even as she swipes at it with yet another tissue. 

"You're no fun."

"Baby I'll be plenty of fun but only when you're feeling better."

"You know, you're a natural nurse. Maybe I should buy you a uniform."

"Down, girl."

"It's all that's keeping me going."

"How is it that you get more ridiculous when you're sick?"

"Natural talent."

"Shut up and drink your medicine, get some more sleep. If you feel up to eating later, I figured I'd order Chinese. Everyone knows takeout is sick food."

Lou wraps her hands around the steaming mug of honey, lemon, and whisky, inhaling the fumes. She can smell the alcohol. It's already doing her good. It's a fundamental principle of medicine that she can appreciate: the honey and lemon make you feel better and soothe your throat, and the whisky knocks you out so you sleep it off and give your body a chance to fight the virus off. Apparently there's actually some kind of science behind the applications of honey at least, but as far as Lou's concerned, it works and she's fine with it. 

"...Don't stay away too long?"

"Don't worry baby, everything's under control. You get some more rest and I'll see you when you wake, okay?"

"That's your planning tone."

"That's because I'm making plans."

Debbie leans in to kiss her forehead, and Lou closes her eyes, just focussing on that point of contact because it's far more comforting than it has any right to be. 

"...Okay. Love you."

"I love you too, even if you are pathetic when you're sick."

"Hey, it's an improvement on being mean."

Debbie laughs and blows Lou another kiss as she heads back out into the rest of the apartment.

When Lou wakes again it's to Debbie gently stroking her hair, and truth be told, she doesn't really want to wake up at all. She's a sucker for hairpets at the best of times, and this is not the best of times, and she has a license to be a bit pathetic about things. 

"Hey there Aurora, how're you doing?"

"You don't get to take the piss when I was doing what you told me to."

Debbie laughs and kisses her forehead. 

"Okay that's fair... even if you take the piss out of me all the time."

"That's different."

"How's it different?"

"You're asking for it."

"Oh fuck you Miller."

"Thought you said I was benched."

"I don't know why I bother."

"Because I'm adorable?"

And Debbie's biting her lip in an attempt not to laugh, and Lou grins because it feels like a victory, and the pounding in her head has subsided to a dull ache.

"You look like you feel better...?"

"That's because I do. At least a bit. But that's not hard considering how shit I felt this morning."

"That's true."

"So, what are the fiendish plans you've no doubt been refining while I was asleep and defenceless?"

Debbie laughs, and kisses her forehead again. Lou can't blame her for avoiding the snot fountain lower down. 

"I've run you a bath. Nice hot bath. Little hint of eucalyptus and lavender. You can soak, let the steam loosen things up and soothe those aching muscles where you've been coughing, you poor thing, and while you take a bath, I'll change the sheets and put these through on a hot wash so you're not just marinating in germs. The Chinese should be here in a half hour or so, so you've got time to soak without it getting cold."

Fuck but that sounds so good, and despite herself, Lou stares. 

"...How are you so good at this?"

"Same reason I'm great at pulling jobs baby, attention to detail and consideration from all the angles."

"I love you."

"I know."

Lou rolled her eyes as she started levering herself out of bed. 

"You're not Han Solo in this relationship sweetheart."

"I'll have you know I can be anything I want. But I know how much you want to see me in the slave Leia costume."

"Maybe a little bit. Vengeful murderous princesses taking revenge on their captors is a bit of a turn on for me."

"Oh really? I'd never noticed." Debbie replies drily, and Lou is grinning again as she heads into the bathroom, to be confronted by the steaming tub, just like Debbie promised.

She soaks in it, luxuriating in the water, inhaling the steam. Debbie's right, it is helping. It seems silly because it's not like Lou's not an adult who knows how to take care of herself, but somehow it's different when Debbie does it. She thinks of everything, even things Lou wouldn't think of, and just... it's better like this. And the heat feels so so good on her ribs.

She didn't shut the door, partially because she has no problem with Debbie admiring her naked, and partially because she wants to be able to still talk to her, or at least sass her. She can hear Debbie in the bedroom, changing the bed. Lou's almost a little disappointed that she won't be able to fully appreciate it. She likes clean sheets, though not as much as Debbie does. There's just something peaceful about them. That being said, the two of them tend to make sure clean sheets don't stay clean all that long, but some nights it's just nice to cuddle up together and fall asleep. Still one of Lou's favourite things to do. 

When she hears the doorbell ring, Lou levers herself reluctantly from the bath. She can't move too fast without getting dizzy, but she knows she has a little time while Debbie gets the food on plates, and she's not so much of an invalid that she needs somebody to help her out of the bath.

Her favourite towel is on the rail, huge and fluffy and warm, and Lou pulls it around herself and burrows into it because fuuuuck it feels so nice. She pads out to the bedroom to find a clean, neatly made bed, with a pair of fluffy pyjamas and clean underwear folded at the foot. It's another one of those unspoken changes. Usually she sleeps in nothing at all, or maybe just boxers and a crop top, sometimes a t-shirt... barely anything really. When she's sick though, she has a pair of light blue fleecy pyjamas with a pocket on the stomach that just make her feel better. It's one of the little things that Debbie doesn't question. 

When she's dressed again, Lou heads out to the main area. It feels good in some ways to be up and moving, though she's still so very aware that she's sick. There are two plates on the table, and two big glasses of water. Apparently booze is off the table apart from medicinal whisky, and if Lou's abstaining that means Debbie is too. On the plus side, the plates are piled high with rice and noodles and deep fried goodness in slightly unrealistically neon sauces. She can't quite help the noise she makes, because she's just starting to realise that she's /fucking/ hungry.

Debbie looks up and smiles at the sight of her, and that just makes Lou feel warm and fuzzy on the inside as well as the outside. 

"Hey baby, how're you doing?"

"...I mean, I'm still sick, but I feel like... about sixty percent human? Which is an improvement on this morning."

"Yeah? What would you say you were this morning?"

"About thirty."

Debbie laughs. 

"I'll take that. A one hundred percent improvement. How was the bath?"

"So good. So so good. And the bed looks amazing and I can't wait to fall back into it. You're coming with me right?"

"Of course I am. C'mon, let's eat and call it an early night maybe?"

"Yeah. That sounds good."

Lou takes her seat and grabs her knife and fork because she can't deal with chopsticks when she wants to just shovel the entire plateful down her throat. It's all her favourites, and it smells so good, or at least, what she can smell of it through her blocked nose. She has to pause to swallow, because - and she blames this entirely on being sick - the thought of how amazingly kind and patient and thoughtful Debbie has been is making her tear up a little. 

Debbie plops down opposite her and clinks their glasses together. 

"Here's to feeling better soon."

"Here's to my excellent nurse."

Debbie smiles, and if Lou didn't know her better she'd say it was on the verge of shy. Debbie doesn't exactly go shouting from the rooftops about her mothering side, but it's one of the things Lou has come to appreciate about her most of all over the years. Lou's smile in return is soft, and for a moment she almost forgets about the food because she's just so captivated staring at the woman who makes her life complete. 

"...I love you."

Debbie's smile widens a little as she glances back up to meet Lou's eyes again. 

"I know." She takes a bite of her food, "I love you too..."

And Lou shakes her head and laughs, tucking into her dinner. She's already feeling better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That makes two LOTR jokes and some Star Wars banter. Jfc I'm such a nerd. I'm sorry.


	6. Tables Turned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it's Lou's turn to take care of Debbie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This links in to part 8 "I Am Always Yours", which is where I got the idea to explore the ways Debbie's taken care of Lou and how that situation might feel and play out. For those who haven't read the series, Lou has broken ribs and Debbie is temporarily paralysed from the waist down, and they've had a really really shitty time. They're staying with a doctor friend to recover.

Lou still isn't sure how she feels about everything that's happened. The last six weeks have been a whirlwind, and she's gone from a normal and reasonably sedate life to being sucked into a much darker world she's never encountered before and has spent most of her life trying to avoid. The scars from it are both literal and figurative, and she has a feeling they won't soon fade. All things considered, she feels okay. It isn't the first time she's broken a bone, not even the first time she's broken her ribs, and making that escape under the guise of being dead gives them a little breathing space. As far as she's concerned she'd be more than happy to just run away with Debbie and never look back. One look at the brunette tucked up against her shoulder and still asleep tells her that's not an option though. Even in sleep, Debbie's face is set hard. The shadows around her eyes are almost black, and there's exhaustion in every line of her. It only shows when she's asleep, partially because she hasn't been sleeping anywhere near enough, and Lou isn't about to wake her. 

Oceans never know when to quit. Debbie's always been better about it than the others but that is a low, low bar to clear. Given Sue's expectation that Debbie will be back to normal by the time Lou's ribs are finished, or at least that they should wait that long before worrying or trying any more aggressive treatments, Lou knows there's no way this is going to be left to lie. 

She shifts, just a little, to tuck Debbie closer into her shoulder and slide one hand into her hair, gently scritching. She knows it helps. She also knows it's the kind of thing Debbie might never have put up with before, too proud to admit how much she enjoys it, too scared of being judged. Those defences are down now, in a way Lou has never seen them down before, and although she hates how they got here, she finds herself hoping just a little bit that they don't go all the way back up again when this is over. She knows it will be over, one way or the other. She knows Debbie will win. When it comes to being backed into a corner, no matter the odds, Lou will always put her money on Deborah Ocean. 

Debbie stirs and murmurs and Lou presses a kiss to her forehead, arm slipping down to rest around Debbie's shoulders. She looks up, blinking slowly, eyes still full of sleep, and Lou surrenders to the urge to kiss her, swift and sweet. 

"Good morning... how are you doing?"

And Debbie tries to smile and her lips twitch but it doesn't stick and Lou's heart aches a little because she knows how hard this has to be. She strokes a strand of hair back out of Debbie's face, tucking it behind her ear, hoping that the touches and the hints of normality are comforting. She isn't good at this. She never has been, never has had to be, because in their relationship, as much as she hates to admit it, Debbie has always been the one doing the caretaking. It's not that Lou doesn't look after Debbie, it's nothing like that, it's just that Lou isn't naturally... nurturing. There's not really another word for it. Of course, in a lot of ways it's surprising that Debbie is, and it sure as hell doesn't interfere with her ability to pull jobs, but with the people she cares about Debbie has a soft side that was part of the reason Lou fell headlong in love with her only a few weeks after they met. 

They've come a long damn way since then. 

Lou loves Debbie far too much to leave her to handle this alone. With colds and such it's been easy enough. She's been good at the practical side, keeping meds stocked, making tea, cleaning things up, and leaving Debbie to marinate in her own germs until she conquers them by sheer bloody-mindedness. This... well, this has a practical side, but this is far more about the emotional side of things. There's nothing Lou can do to help her get better except be here and make sure Debbie knows that she's not going through this alone, especially given everything that's happened. Lou still loves her just as much as ever, but it doesn't take a genius to see how insecure Debbie is about their future right now. Knowing her as she does, Lou is aware that the biggest fight on their hands is going to be stopping Debbie getting sucked down into the vortex of her own dark thoughts. It's not in her nature, but for Debbie Ocean, Lou is going to try her damndest to make it her wheelhouse, at least for the time being. It seems like it's a period of flux for both of them. 

"Oh, you know... I'm okay..."

"Yeah? What would you like for breakfast?"

Debbie glances away and Lou kisses her temple to draw Debbie's attention back to her. 

"...Oh, you know, I'm not that hungry."

"Bzzt. Wrong answer. Try again."

"C'mon Lou it's not like I'm burning energy here..."

"You might not be, but you've been worn thin for weeks, and your body needs resources. You've burned through everything you have, the least you owe to your body is replenishing those resources. It'll help you heal."

"And what if I don't?"

"Sue said the odds were good."

"Yeah but I've done some research too and even if I get better this time there's nothing to say it won't happen again."

Lou arches an eyebrow and Debbie has the good grace to look a little bit shamefaced. 

"...What did we say about researching things on the internet?"

"...That when you have a pet doctor you should defer to them and not go fearmongering on WebMD?"

"Better. C'mon, Deb. There's a lot of sense in what Sue said. We just have to give it time. If it's not starting to improve, then we'll start to worry."

Debbie pulls a face and Lou resists the urge to kiss her on her wrinkled nose. It's a close call, though. 

"...I don't want to give it time. I want to be better. I spent six damn years in prison, I got out, and I'm still not free? It's not fair."

Lou sighs. There isn't really much she can say to that. 

"No, sweetheart, it's not fair. None of this is fair. But we play the hand in front of us, we can't just change the game."

"No, but when some fucker's playing with a marked deck, we can flip the damn table..."

Debbie mutters, and Lou just about restrains herself from bursting out laughing because there's a slash of pain in her ribs that stops her before she starts. It doesn't entirely stop the giggles though, and Debbie's looking grumpy again but she's so adorable Lou can't help it. 

"I love you at your most vengeful darling. Now, breakfast. What do you want?"

"...Maybe some oatmeal?"

Lou rewards her with a kiss, turning delicately to get out of bed herself. 

"Alright. Well done. I'll get you some oatmeal."

Debbie's chewing on her lip again. 

"...Will you be busy today?"

Lou pauses in the doorway to look back at her and smile. 

"...I mean I was planning to be?"

"...Oh..."

"With you, idiot. Where else would I be?"

"I mean... just because I'm trapped here, it doesn't mean you have to be too..."

Lou sighs and fixes her with a look. 

"...Deborah. I want to be with you, okay? I know I'm not good at this, and I know... it sucks having to see you like this. But I want to be with you, I want to take care of you and help you and try to find ways to get you through this. Because we are getting through this, together, just like we've gotten through everything else, okay?"

And there's a real smile this time, fragile, tiny, but real, and Debbie nods. 

"...Okay."

"Good."


End file.
